#i generally feel more idk. productive
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not enough discussion about the gavins' complicated relationship with feminine-coded/beauty products, i don't think.
#for klavier because it's not as direct it's about how we never see him actually wearing lipstick? even though apollo literally attends#a concert of his which is where you'd most expect him to wear makeup. but apparently he just doesnt. or at least not in public#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#i feel like there are several ways you can read into it. the misogyny/toxic masculinity one is really obvious clearly with kristoph's#singling out of men specifically and klavier's (probably accidental?) condescending manner of calling women 'fraulein' plus his general#mildly patronising attitude towards many of the women in the game (also probably unintentional)#(i think he's trying to be charming and it's coming off wrong to some of them. like ema. and me.)#but i feel like there's also maybe an element of... inherent perfecfionism to it? like both of these products are conventionally beautifyin#products and kristoph while he is open to showing people he uses nail polish specifically chooses one that's clear and missable unless you#see him apply it. he also feels the need to justify his use of it and specifically spell it out as something he chooses to do rather than#needs to do even though duh. that should be obvious.#idk there's just something about his seeming need to take control of that narrative that i find interesting. his need to spin it into a#'there's nothing wrong with my nails but I had the foresight to see that even the smallest parts of my appearance should be kept immaculate#and it's a choice i'm making to refine an already adequate part of my personage /not/ to cover some unsightly defect.' the need to emphasis#that specifically is so. hm. and with klavier i could see it being a case of him liking makeup liking the pops of colour yet being unwillin#to admit to it because he's afraid that other people might see it as him being dissatisfied with his own appearance regardless of if he is#or isn't. or even just perceiving colourful makeup as being unseemly because it's so overt and unnatural.#like i can see this as them both viewing 'real' beauty to be that which is inherent to a person and seemingly effortless#thus somehow negating the beauty which one achieves through cosmetics or other external means.#and if you want to use external means to achieve beauty or neatness or whatever then your only valid options are those which blend into you#natural state. like clear nail polish. or really awful spray tan.#i feel like klavier's less confined by these ideas (if they hold merit at all) considering he actually owns coloured lipstick and he wears#jewellery (admittedly quite 'masculine' jewellery no gems or pearls or anything like that but jewellery nonetheless) but i think it just#makes it more interesting that he doesnt seem quite able to cross the line anyway. like it's that ingrained into his system.#anyway that's all i've got. you guys should tell me what you think too#annotations
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Something that really sets Wille and Simon apart from other queer ships is that when we say their love language is physical touch, IT REALLY IS PHYSICAL TOUCH. And I’m not speaking of just sex. Over the course of the show, the amount of touching between them is astronomical. And that’s really something rarely seen in queer media. There may be moments here or there, but often times there’s a lack of physical contact unless it’s for “the plot”. Wille and Simon feel like a real couple in the way they’re always physically reaching out for each other.
#wilmon#young royals#OH ALSO#wtfock#sobbe#cuz they def belong in this category too#constant touching between them#but you don’t get it with most queer ships and idk if it’s just bc production is afraid of it being ‘too much’ or what#but it’s annoying#and frustrating#just something I’ve been pondering on recently#tv has come a long way in terms of representation#but it still feels like there’s almost a FEAR of too much affection between queer pairings#it’s seen more with mlm than wlw cuz I think they’re like oh well women are more physically affectionate in general even with friends#but damn like#I mean I’m a woman and bisexual so obv I have a lot of queer friends#and a couple of my besties are gay men who have been married for years#fun thing they live right next door to my parents lol#and I’ve known one half (michael) since I was 16 and he was 14 lol my friend jen actually had a big crush on him#and I was like GIRL#BUT ANYWAY#he and rick have been married for many years and they’re SO AFFECTIONATE in a casual way that you would be with a partner#just touches here and there on the shoulder or hand hold or kisses like???#obviously they aren’t the only gay couple I know but I’m around them so much so they are a good example#Lol this got weirdly personal but the point is that we don’t see that shit in queer media#at least not enough of it it’s like producers/writers are afraid of ‘too much’#so they give not enough#ANYWAYYYY rant over!!!
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want to give my two cents on the AI usage in the maestro trailer--
i think seventeen doing a whole concept that is anti-AI is very cool, especially as creatives themselves i think it's good that they're speaking up against it and i hope it gets more ppl talking about the issue. i also understand on a surface level the artistic choice (whether it was made by the members, the mv director, or whoever else), to directly use AI in contrast to real, human-made visuals and music in order to criticize it. i also appreciate that they clearly stated the intention of the use of AI at the beginning of the video
however, although i understand it to an extent, i do not agree with the choice to use AI to critique AI. one of the main ethical concerns with generative AI is that it is trained on other artists' work without their knowledge, consent, or compensation. and even when AI generated images are being used to critique AI, it still does not negate this particular ethical concern
the use of AI to critique also does not negate the fact that this is work that could have been done by an actual artist. i have seen some people argue that it's okay in this context because it's a critique specifically about AI, and it is content that never would have been done by a real artist anyway because it doesn't make sense for the story they're trying to tell. but i disagree. i think you can still tell the exact same story without using AI
and in fact, i would argue that it would make the anti-AI message stronger if they HAD paid an artist to draw/animate the scenes that are supposed to represent AI generated images. wouldn't it just be proof that humans can create images that are just as bad and nonsensical and soulless as AI, but that AI can't replicate the creativity and beauty and basic fucking anatomy that's in human-made art?
it feels very obvious this was not just a way to cut corners and costs like a lot of scummy people are using AI for. ultimately it was a very intentional creative decision, i just personally think it was a very poor one. and even if some ethical considerations were taken into account before this decision, i certainly don't think all of them were. at the very least i feel like the decision undermines the message they want to convey
i would also like to recognize that i myself am not an artist, and i have seen some artists that are totally on board with the use of AI in this specific context, so clearly this is not a topic that is cut and dry. but generative AI is still new, and i think it's important to keep having these conversations
#melia.txt#also want to add that as musicians svt are more directly threatened by AI generated audio than they are by AI generated images#and yet AI generated images is what was used in the video#and i guess the MV director/production company are the ones directly responsible for putting that in there#whether it was their initial idea or not#and they work in a visual medium so perhaps that makes it more 'fair' but idk it just feels like#the commentary is around music. which makes sense. and using human produced music/sound#but then taking advantage of AI images#idk just feels weird#i mean i don't like it either way#like i said in the main post i understand the intention behind the creative decision#and i'm still happy svt are speaking against ai at all i do think overall they're doing a good thing here#i just don't agree with the creative decision they/the production company/whoever made#edit: deleted the part about not boycotting svt over this bc ppl were commenting about boycotting bc of the 🛴 stuff#i meant specifically /I/ am not calling for a boycott because of specifically the ai stuff#was just trying to make a general point that im not making this post bc i want to sabatoge svt or whatever#bc kpop fans love to pull that catd whenever u criticize anything#so yeah just removed that bit bc i dont want ppl getting confused what im talking about#respect ppl boycotting because of scooter/israel stuff but thats not what this post was intended to be about#edit 2: turning off reblogs bc im going to bed and having asomewhat controversial post up is not gonna help me sleep well lol#may or my not turn rb's back on in the morning
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Some people are very good at talking to a group and creating an environment where all of them feel very welcome and proactively making sure people are included in all aspects of the conversation and then some people talk to a group as if they are trying to keep everyone divided? Like they are using inside jokes that only one person understands or talk in a guarded way that suggests they are everyone's closest confidant but no one else is allowed to know each other. No real point, I'm just thinking about how much I would rather be the first type of person but how much more common I think the second is
#bean talks#this isn't @ anything that is happening now or has happened recently#i was just thinking about a friend I havent talked to in years and how good she was at this kind of thing?#she'd get everyone in a discussion together and yeah maybe there would be something shed bring up that I wouldnt understand#but shed always turn to the people who didnt know and be like 'oh joe played pippin in our high school production btw'#it was just so nice and especially when i was the new friend it really made me feel welcomed and included#plus it just made it easier to talk to the other people because shed just be like#'omg you should tell bren your quantum joke. theyre studying physics and have so-and-so professor right now'#like it just took away so much tension and gave people a starting point#whereas now i feel like i walk into conversations as the person who doesnt know things and isnt allowed to know things#and maybe this is just my perception but i feel like younger people tend to be the worst about this?#like it seems as though younger people want to be viewed as 'in the know' with everyone by keeping others out ?#i'm sure that's not just a older/younger thing#it's probably very different for people who view themselves as more extroverted vs introverted#and just a general maturity level#but yeah idk i was just thinking i wanted to be better about that ahh
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i think i just need to rewatch lost.
#that will fix me i think.#because i am doing. bad. i know i have not been keeping this a secret but i feel very stuck and i don't really know what to do.#my general anxiety levels are much higher than they usually are and um. i don't really know why. which then just makes it worse.#and i feel so down and hopeless. i can't make myself feel excited about things. i have hardly any motivation#and no energy to do anything even if i did#like yellowjackets s3 starting production and i just don't feel excited about it and it's making me really sad#and I'm getting upset about things that i feel silly for getting upset about and i can't say anything because I'm embarrassed#for being upset in the first place#i feel so incredibly disconnected from everyone around me it's so hard to talk to anyone#I'm running on autopilot most of the time at the moment#and I'm finding it so hard not to push people away. but at the same time i feel so out of place and I'm dissociating a lot so.#idk whay I'm saying with this#i just feel like i need to get stuff out because i feel so anxious i might explode#and with the weather getting warmer a lot of my physical symptoms are flaring up. anf being in this house is so suffocating#i feel like i can inly exist in this perpetual state of fine. can't be any worse can't be any better#I'm just constantly pretending that I'm just Okay because it's easier than having to deal wirh anything else. but i know I'm really just#causing myself more harm.#I'm done now. just trying to relieve some of the pressure i am feeling in my whole entire body.
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Maybe you remember my recent post (this one lol) about the Admiral Piett figure I got, well he's not alone anymore! I couldn't resist and also bought one of General Veers, which arrived last morning <3 Now both my boys are guarding my bookshelf🥰
#they're probably discussing battle plans or something#the height difference is not accurate (probably to make the production easier) but otherwise they look really good!#I'm so happy to have them both now <33#on a side note Treason is the only part of the Thrawn trilogy that I own in both German and English#it kinda bugs me bc it makes things feel so incomplete but idk if getting the others wouldn't just be a waste of precious shelf space😭#I think I was too impatient to wait for translation at the time it was released lol#I do like both but I think some things were better in the original tho (for example the scenes with Eli and Vah'nya felt more emotional)#star wars#star wars imperials#firmus piett#admiral piett#maximilian veers#general veers#star wars action figures#f/o merch#selnia talks
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angry at the oscars barbie nominations but in an annoyinger way (i think nominating ryan reynolds makes sense but the best picture and best supporting actress noms are ridiculous)
#sorry but the more i think about it the more i really dislike the movie#ken was funny! he was silly and campy! i really did not care for the rest of the movie!#i just think the more you examine its take on feminism the more it falls apart!#it's inherently about a product! it's inherently personifying a product and making you feel sympathy for and relate to a product!#they are generating hype and engendering sympathy for something they are trying to sell you!#regurgitating second wave feminism without nuance doesn't make it groundbreaking it makes it like. fine i guess?#verilybitchie has a great video that put a lot of my feelings about it into words#idk it did not resonate with me at all and also made me kind of annoyed with how it contributed to the ongoing trend#of gendering things that aren't gendered and focusing on a segregation of gendered perspectives#tired of i'm just a girl! tired of girl dinner! tired of men are always thinking about the roman empire!#sure there are experiences more common to and relevant to women but i get so uncomfy with those kinds of generalizations#even when they're just jokes because after they get repeated enough they stop sounding like ones#just like. when you try to examine it in terms of any kind of intersectionality it falls apart#and i know it's not that serious but like come on. they literally do not once touch on any kind of intersectionality.#you can't be like 'it's a groundbreaking feminist movie!' because they said 'women struggle with misogyny' in 2023#like i know it's barbie but i don't understand why there's this impulse to say that that's something that's never been said before#just because the president is black doesn't mean you've acknowledged like. racism at all.#just because you have two fat barbies with like four lines doesn't mean you've said anything meaningful about body image#and when you take an openly lesbian actress and give her short hair and make her strange and then have all the other characters#essentially socially exile her and still think she's weird after the resolution!!!#i would say that's like!! implicitly a pretty weird way to write gay people!#i don't want to rain on anyone's parade! it's silly! it's not that serious! i just also think it's not that good!#it's fine! it's fun! but i DO think ken is the best part of the barbie movie and for that i apologize
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I, Like Every Brony in the Modern Day It Seems, Really Like Vylet Pony But IMO Her Work Lacks That Same Punch Shit Like Cats Millionaire or SGaP Had. It's Not That Its More Fandom Based, Plenty of SGaP and Cats Millie Was That Too But It Just Feels More Disconnected From the Characters AND Specific Fandom Interpretations, It's Too General to Really Hook Me the Same Way
#Like OK What About Fluttershy Makes You Interpret Her as a Scene Kid Gir Hoodie Pony? Why are Maud and Derpy in Love?#Why is Pinkie Specifically the Lesbian Pony W/ a Chainsaw? (I Know The Answer to This One Im Just Whining)#Antonymph Esp Bothers Me in a Stupid Way. DGMW I Do Love the Song a Lot But Its Too GENERAL to Be Narrowed in on Fluttershy#And I Get It Isnt Technically About Her Its About Me the Listener But Its a Hurdle I Cant Just Easily Jump!#I Do Need to Listen to More Ive Only Listened to Cutiemarks and the Things That Bind Us and Tales From Equestria#Ive Heard Great Things About Carousel#And I Do Think Cutiemarks is a Good Ass Album I Do Love the Titletrack and Think the Exploration of Cutiemarks as a Concept in That Album#Are Really Good#I Just Love Pony Music When It Feels Like an Encapsulation of the Character or Concept and VP Just Feels Too Disconnected for That to Me#I Will Say Though the Production on Her Work is a Lot Easier to Just Toss On and Listen To. When I Got Sgap or Cats Millie On I Am in a MOD#And VP I Can Enjoy Basically Anytime So Her Accessibility is Definintely a Bonus Too#IDK Dont Listen to Me Im Just Somepony With Too Many Opinions on This. Sgap Was My Third Most Listened to Artist According to Spotify#Anyways if Antonymph Was Gonna Be a General Anti-Cringe Song It Shouldve Used a BG Pony and If It Was Gonna Be a Character Song#It Shouldve Been About Twilight#Also Rarity is Really OOC in Cutiemarks I Do Not Like Syndicate and Nonexistant Meet Cute is Good But#BUT...#Eh Whatever The Tags are Like Triple the Fuckin Post#Dreamy.txt
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need at least 1 person to be mentally ill with in the dms about my own writing perhaps then ill be able to publish something
#its sooooo pathetique but unfortunately being that im in a 2 year ongoing Rut i kind of uh. need the external stimuli here.#plus its nice to have someone to bounce ideas with & also just care in general yk. ive got whole fics that basically just happened bc i had#a conversation w someone who could 'yes and' with me for a bit#2019 was a good year for this for me personally#very productive i had so much fun#losing it sucked lmao i just dont feel as comfortable speaking my ideas anymore#i still think theyre good. i keep plotting things in my head but they never make it past the draft#IF we get to a concrete draft at all lbr#idk how to explain it. i enjoy what i make i find it interesting but sharing has kind of lost its shine.#a lot of the people i was hanging with then moved on which is what it is + i dont think we were as close as we were in my head anyway#but ive become way more conscious of dominating spaces#idk i just miss it. i feel like everything im doing is a solo project these days#its very lonely#easy to lose steam also when i dont have much energy to start with#but mostly just very lonely.#playing dolls with myself etc etc etc its fine when its voluntary but when its not.#well. its Not.#lol.
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Trying to get ahead of an unsustainability cycle that might be starting up this week,,, (I start work).
#this turned into a bit of a rant whoops#mypost#have been chilling recovering from breast reduction the last month#steadily helping my mom out around the house more and more#but neow imma be working a ~35hr week (not including commute times during rush hour rip)#starting tmr#and I’m remembering that 1) it takes me more time to shower bc I have to be careful with boobz. also I have to wash my bra every night bc da#scars can’t get infected. so the whole process of showering is connected to also washing and drying my bra and putting on lotions n such so#it takes an hour minimum#2) doing stuff for my mom… is always spontaneous and urgent and takes up more time/energy than I think#3) my mom is bad at food stuff on a personal level and that’s transferring to the household bc a lot of stuff including a) she’s hella busy#and stressed. b) the price of food 💀keeps goin up ayoo. c) she is restricting herself to only eating twice a day??? idk why????#d) she also considers a meal to be anything she throws together no matter how unbalanced/nontasty it is#e) I’m also so bad at cooking/meal prep/etc but lowkey have a Thing abt food rn and cannot eat random junk even if I’m v hungry#. all this to say: idk how to do my household duties (communicating with mom. nightly dishes. small stuff that builds) when I have a feeling#imma be hella hungry this whole week.#WAIT I FORGOT THO IMMA BE MAKING MONEYYYY 💰 💴 💵 so I can pay for lunch at work ayooo#((not thinking abt budgeting atm lol 😬. I’m fortunate enough to have a 529 plan for college so semester times are all g)#4) I’m also doing two coursera courses atm (personal finance for young adults and Good With Words) …. I will prob not be able to get much#done in these courses when I have a full week rip#5) I gotta prepare for abroad (applying for visa. dealing with large government structures 😭😭😭) and in general attend to my emails#all dis. hmm#oh and also personal upkeep: gotta order eczema lotion. gotta get in contact with doctors abt leg and jaw PT. gotta follow thru with PT.#falling behind on a productive schedule while balancing my moms needs and my needs and my long-term health/personal project stuff is gonna#be difficult…#hm#writing this out is. hm.#all g all g I am a young adult I gotta handle this stuff now 🧑#great freedom = great responsibility and all that shiz#FUCK I FORGOT I HAVE TO EXERCISE TOO FUCK!!!! DANG NABBIT
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My previous post means NOTHING to the people of this blog SINCE I NEVER POST MY ART LMAO but I looooove just talking about it and people having to see my rambles abt my artistic strifes without any context and just having to take my word for it
#just nodding ur head uh huh sure sure keep tellin urself that buddy#I mean I got a small amount of art on here but all that shit is old my artistic abilities change#for the worse maybe since I can't draw anymore BUT I WILL BE I will draw again#idk kinda wanna be working in backgrounds y'know I never draw backgrounds and I like the feel of the whole ~liminal space~ thing#and in general my aesthetics blog has a lotta pretty stuff I'd wanna be able to draw#idk how to fuckin do that shit tho I've watched people draw backgrounds but I never did it along with em so like#bloop out the memory banks#I just outta go back and look for those artists cuz I'm very much a visual learner#but less of a process learner and more of a finished product learner? idk how the fuck that works but it does#usually the finished product and just stares intensely AH I GOT IT I figured out how they made it look like that *does it*#maybe it's not the exact way they did it but if it produces the same product who am I to complain?
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still thinking about this tweet i saw this morning that was like guys petscop is bad bc the creator based it off a real case and like yea that was shitty. we shouldn’t let him forget he fucked up with that but then people were all like this is why i never liked petscop petscop is soooo bad and i’m just kind of like. okay.
like you guys realize really impactful art can have shitty production behind it or like be hard to consume right. idk this isn’t about what tony did or like defending him it jisy very much seemed like i’m going to hate this thing now bc of this fucked up thing in its production and it was clear the ppl saying that really had never watched petscop idk
#i really don’t mean to sound pretentious#it just very much is a case of art vs artist#petscop has that awful thing in its production but it also has been retconned which. doesn’t make it all okay but it’s better than nothing#it’s just very clear people don’t see the series as art or an art piece#or a complex raw narrative#it hurts to consume. everyone agrees on tjat. like everyone i know and who i’ve watched cover it have been like#i hate watching this. it’s awful it makes me feel like shit and it’s such a good piece of art#but that depth is lost on twitter users… i guess idk#idk man. people just piss me off#please no one take this as me like dying on a hill for petscop#it’s more of just general frustration of people who go ‘yay i can hate this thing now bc someone made a tweet about ut!’#it’s like such old news too bc it’s been retconned and the series is fucking over#and i’m sure if he does that remaster (?) thing it’ll be completely taken out like all references idk#🤷#doesn’t matter i just like to bitvh
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when i hit 7th grade my brain hard-locked in alone>loneny and well it's funny bc i didn't consciously decided on that but i could see it like. physically and tangibly happen like in slowmo idk if you follow me.
#txt#like as if iwas seeing as an spectator being assigned something by my brain. like a pc loading screen of smth you clicked on accidentally#and well that is the magic of developmental milestones bc since pandemic happened in my 17-18 so obv i wasnt feeling all that well#so on the conscious level i was like well i shouldnt focus on being lonely bc i dont see it productive :/#and then just like at 12 i could feel my brain Physically internalize it like who asked you for that!!! 😭😭#and again i call it funny bc i too was VERY VERY shy as a kid and around the same jump from 6th to 7th grade i told myself#i was going to be more confident. and it happened. with the same 'ah.' feeling. and then it happened like. no mental preparation or#trial & error it Just Happened. granted it was still considerably shy in general standards but like. if it were so simple to change idk#anger issues that easy xd just saying it. but noooo you have to internalize the MOST random things. of couse.
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i'll see shows w/ the silliest goofiest character designs imaginable & be like You're Going To Become A Vital Part Of My Existence Now.
#ТVDINT‚ M!ІK‚ Kоnjiki no Gаsh Bеll . . . just to name a few.#this post is Specially abt KNGB tho bcuz It Has Done Irrepairable Damage To My Psyche; and also! i've been reminiscing on it recently :-)#a friend reignited my interest on it <3#I've mostly been revisiting the JPN opening sequences bcuz they go So Hard..ooughfjghh they r so!! thrilling to me.#MIENAI TSUBASA SPECIALLY UGHHHJFGHJ IT IS SUCH A DAMN MASTERPIECE FOR REAL ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ GOES CRAZY ETC. it just sets the tone of the arc So Well#ive been tempted to post them here because of it but as cool as they are to me i feel like KNGB's style just isn't for Everyone#from its eccentric characters that tend to misguide ppl into thinking it's a children's show at 1st glance#to the opening's more comedic sequences‚ to how much the whole thing very much feels like a product of its time — overwhelmingly so#MIND YOU these are All aspects i love abt them To PIECES but. yeah ♡#i wouldn't be surprised if i got weird looks from y'all when you saw me going This Thing Goes So Hard#over the most incomprehensible borderline cocomelon-esque footage you've ever seen HSJFHSKFJ#WHICH. FAIR. AND ALSO IT WOULDNT EXACTLY BE ANYTHING NEW COMING FROM ME EITHER but i feel like it'd be the last straw for so many of you(?)#and as much as i am a huge follower of the I'm Cringe But I'm Free lifestyle i just‚idk i cant stop it from holding me back for some reason#THEY RULE SAURRRRR VERY MUCH THO n' so does the whole series in general i hold it v close to my heart <3#i need to pick the manga back up at some point..hopefully soon. I'll be sure to go insane abt it btw so consider this a Warning /hj#wondertext
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Sometimes I think I need to be medicated but at the same time I felt like lexapro didn't do shit except crash my libido and give me a concussion cold turkey-ing it
#cold turkey bc i was in chicago and ran out of prescription like i was cutting the pills in half#also to see the effect ngl...#like idk my psychiatrist was weird she tried bumping it up and slapping borderline personality on me just bc depression anxiety comorbid#then again i just didnt trust her in general#i was only on it for like a few months and she wanted to bump up#well now im not on it all but maybe i should try again idfk#problem is I like to logic out my emotional issues#so i feel like my depression/anxiety etc is more of a product of not having a purpose in life#if i had some goals and school/career in sight id be okay I think#but also i fear locking myself in to one thing if i hate it and its too late to change#i need more jack of all trades master of none careers so i feel stimulated and worthwhile#considering teaching bc i LOVED ta'ing and being a lab tech in college#somehow more paranoid about teaching hs than college#idk#🎁
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second time at a stationery expo second time having to deal with people standing in place at a busy booth to livestream goods
#like. part of me wants to be generous and think maybe this is someone buying for family or friends who couldnt make it#but idk the way products were being shown/gone over felt more like live proxy#also I feel like people not doing it for that would not park for 5+ mins when there's a ton of people trying to look#idk makes me understand why so many places do ban streaming#rambles
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